I feel I am important in someone’s life , but then there’s always atleast one thing that’s more important in their lives than me… I wish I can b flawless, but then there’s always some chords I cnt hit properly. Whenever I think tomorrow will be a new beginning, I dnt have any dream that night… I get whatever I want to have, just that it’ll always have that small astrix which will show terms and conditions at the bottom. When I want to speak, they always have someone waiting for them. Whenever I feel life n me are in an agreement now, there’ll be a Force Majeure situation. I keep walking against all “odds”, but I never meet “evens” to help me… I want to say sorry but their ego dsnt allow them to say “its ok” So now I don’t feel, wish or want, I just decide n do it…

Prologue

He came out of the room quietly and with plethora of emotions inside him. Just as the time when there are so many emotions and you need to decide which one takes u over. Situation needed him to just be practical, but he decided to let his heart take over and all the voices started fading. He came out and sat on the bench where he was sitting yesterday, waiting for his interview. Should he be angry? But on whom? On himself for being so prepared that he had all the views and answers in the world except of his own. Or on those people who made him so confident that he never thought of failure. Or should he be angry on the those who had their own conditions and logics for any response that Rahul gave. Or should he be sad, because this was something he always wanted. He’d never felt so blank before. This was definitely not the end of the world for Rahul but then this could have been the world he always wanted for himself. As he came out of the building and started walking, he understood what people call the hell’s half acre. Every step he took was feeling heavier then the other one. With his head buried under his chest, all those disappointed faces flashed in front of him. He just squeezed his eyes so hard that for a moment it felt that they will sink in. His eyes opened with a loud screech and an unbearable pain. It started to rain.......................

Its a really nice one...

I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.

I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.

You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.

I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.

For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.

Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?

It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.

I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.

It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.

Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?

Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?

Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?

Cheers to change

Change they say is inevitable…. It’s the law of nature… and its always for good… So when people  change, it shud also be for good… people change their priorities, attitude… n change the choice of people around them. But one very interesting thing is that a change in someone around us is really not appreciated….if the change is not what we wanted to see, what we expected or what we had advised, it’ll face a stiff resistance from us. What I find most baffling is how people can be so fake… sometimes the change they see is welcomed. They talk about how open minded and courageous one has been to let something go and accept the change. They call it a necessity for survival. Then for some changes they call us betrayers, that one has broken a promise. What people really don’t comprehend is what exactly has lead to that change. Change doesn’t happen overnight. By default the human intuition is to resist any change. So why people change? 

As life goes on, you transcend into different roles. All these roles require some traits (or a different portrayal) of you. And while playing all these different characters we don’t realize that we are changing. This is a stage which everyone goes thru… and is a must…. But the problem starts when we start confusing our roles. … & the limits….. Where we should be a friend, we start playing role of a boss. And where we should be emphatic we are silent…. And this we are triggering changes all around us… in situations… .& in people who never wanted to change… and this change is not free of cost… it takes away a lot… And then slowly we create rules for ourselves…for people to approach us…… we want them to behave in a certain way…. We want them to change….. but what changes is the intensity…of a relation…. lots to say but cn' t.... will finish with this......Even though we've changed and we're all trying to find our identities and places in life, somewhere we all know that whenever a tear rolls down across our face, we'll be together again because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends. Cheers to change!!!!!!